I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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