I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
