I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
