Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
