i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
