the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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