My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
