You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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