I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i think my cat just said my name.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize