everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Alive.
So much puke
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
