we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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