respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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