ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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