is your mom at the bar?
My liver just broke up with me...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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