i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Randomize
