I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
