Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
