Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
