ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
