rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
