You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Sext me about skeletons
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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