There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
