I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
