i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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