I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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