It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
