I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
