If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
