garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
