ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
