they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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