This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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