I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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