Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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