Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
