My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
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He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
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I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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