i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
