i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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