MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
