He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
