I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
