Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
