Where did you get a picture of my penis
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize