An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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