she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
