you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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