I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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