My brain says no but my pants say off.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
