Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
