If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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