If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
