Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
