That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
how drunk are you?
Several
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
