My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
