Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
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Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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