Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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