so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
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There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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