upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So vagazzling was a success
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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