You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
