I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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