Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
