Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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