Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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