you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
